`Twas the night before Christmas
And up on “The Hill,
Not a patient was wandering in search of a pill.
One tech was on break with
Another one rounding
And I at the CPRS keyboard a’pounding.
When what broke the silence that settled the floor
Was the sound of buzzer by the exterior door.
When what to my wondering eyes would behold
But a walk-in outside in the dark and the cold.
I paged the OD and I called up the supe
Then I went out to see what was out on the stoop.
The PT was chubby and flushed about the nose
And over his shoulder a huge bag of clothes
Was he drunk and a fall risk? I worried about staffing
He was clearly quite manic the way he was laughing
What’s your name, I inquired as I opened the portal
"I am St Nicholas!" He said with a chortle.
Delusional, manic and a great big white beard
We can send him to Norwalk to be medically cleared.
It’ll take us forever to go through his case
By now the OD was one on one; face to face.
He told us: “Bring Haldol, Ativan and Cogentin,
Trazadone, Risperdal, Colace, Augmentin.”
“He’s bipolar, and having a religious delusion
Prepare the quiet room for four point seclusion!”
The techs did a body check, he had poor ADLS
His red suit emitted some chimney-like smells.
Into sharps went his Belt and his strings
He had no money, no watch and no rings.
I added his name to the days intershifts
While the techs searched his bag, it was full of wrapped gifts.
The he asked just his once, we'd allow him to go
Outside on the deck for a puff in the snow.
Even though he was manic he seemed in control
What would it hurt to allow him a bowl?
Once outside he at once put his hand to his nose
And into the sky the new patient arose.
"Blue alert" I exclaimed to the radio's dial
But the fat man just hung in the air for a while.
"Call it crazy," he said, "some sort of hall-loo-cinations."
"I've been in plenty of tight situations."
"But you get to go home in the morning I'll bet.
But I've got a lot of more stops to make yet."
Then he let out a whistle and along came a sleigh
With eight flying reindeer leading the way.
And I heard him exclaim as he left AMA.
"I might be crazy, but you have to stay."
